Random Thoughts

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

He did not bend on his knees to ask my hand for marriage.

We didn't have the typical millennial way of doing a marriage proposal : no shimmering ring, no romantic surprise, no drama. The phrase "Will you marry me?" popped out occasionally during very random days and situation. It came in forms like "Dito ka na lang, 'wag ka muna umuwi.", "Gusto ko na ng bata (baby) natin." or "Kailan ba tayo magpapakasal?" and to me, that's beautiful.

Right from the very start, he already made it clear that his purpose is marriage; not just to test the waters and turn back when things don't go as planned. Going back to March 12, 2013, to that time when I said "yes" to be his "imaginary friend" (as I call it before for some reason), I know that I have also said "yes" to a life-long commitment with this person whom I believe God has chosen for me.

I am one of God's most favorite while he is one of God's most faithful. He did not bend on his knees to ask my hand for marriage, instead, he bent on his knees to ask God for me through prayers.

Disclaimer : I am still waiting for a 💍, though. 😏

https://www.theknot.com/us/jet-and-fatima

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

SongSong Couple

Because one ❤ reaction is not enough for the Songsong couple. ❤❤❤ mygaaaaahd.

My heart, my heart.

Find you a man who will look at you the way Song Joong Ki looks at Song Hye Kyo. ❤

I missed one thing

For some years now, I have always prayed for Generosity.

To give without counting the cost, to labor without seeking rest, to sacrifice myself without thought of any reward.

Little did I know, I was lacking humility.

Don't get me wrong. I am not conceited, it's just that I have a huge ego. I let my pride get in my way, some times.

All this time, I thought "feels awkward" was the right term to describe why I don't like this, why I don't like doing that. I hate having self-assessment and performance discussions with my supervisor. May it be a positive or negative review, I don't care. I "feel awkward". I don't want people to praise me for my achievements (my high school friends knows this. I hate being tagged as the "achiever". I hate them for telling other people that I am good at this, I did that, etc. I want them to let things go unnoticed.). More so, I hate being corrected. I don't like people telling me to do certain things, especially if I know (or think) that I am doing the right thing.

In statistical terms, my pride is "Poisson Distributed". There will be instances that I can take being corrected (K. Fine.) BUT that's a rare event (read: I have a huge ego).

Fast forward to 2017, I was ranting about work-related events. While I was blah-blah-blah-ing, my boyfriend silently sent me a link to this new prayer:

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved...

From the desire of being extolled ...

From the desire of being honored ...

From the desire of being praised ...

From the desire of being preferred to others...

From the desire of being consulted ...

From the desire of being approved ...

From the fear of being humiliated ...

From the fear of being despised...

From the fear of suffering rebukes ...

From the fear of being calumniated ...

From the fear of being forgotten ...

From the fear of being ridiculed ...

From the fear of being wronged ...

From the fear of being suspected ...

That others may be loved more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I ...

That, in the opinion of the world,

others may increase and I may decrease ...

That others may be chosen and I set aside ...

That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...

That others may be preferred to me in everything...

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

He mentioned terms like "pride" and "ego". I was shookt. All this time, I thought "feels awkward" was the right term to describe how I truly feel. Unknowingly, it was PRIDE and EGO. One thing I am missing: the need to learn how to control and overpower these two.

I have always prayed for generosity; To give without counting the cost, to sacrifice myself without thought of any reward. Little did I know, I also need to pray for humility. To learn how to lower my pride and set my ego aside as well as to accept that things will not always go my way. (BUT HEY!!! I already did this a couple of times in the past!)

For some years now, I have always prayed for generosity, but this time, I will pair it with humility (prayer guys. prayer) and let's see where this new road will lead me. :)